One of the things I always wished for you has happened, it
seems. You are now a librarian, as these things seem to go for places like
schools that have a need for someone to run their libraries. You got the title,
got to avoid that schooling, get to be in a place that offers summers off, that
is safe and I am sure, sanctioned. Very cool, happy for you, all that.
Stumbled upon you and your title on Google. Just typed your
name and there you were. It would have taken a bit of time ferreting out the
real you had I not been specific, but then again, that’s what a real librarian
does. Takes a question and then seeks out an answer.
So, I sent you a ten word message, wishing you well, sending
hopes for a fine summer. I will leave it at that, not go further, letting the
dogs that have been snoozing lie. I am sure it will be enough just to see my
name show up in your email box unbidden. No matter, that’s what a delete key is
for. I have no expectations, no desires, no wishes to hear from you, converse
further. Just the process of sending off that simple salutation cleansed my
bowels. A man can only stand to lose so much while doing duty on the bus.
But the stories I could tell, my dear, are long and
immediate in their telling. I could tell you that I applied to, phone
interviewed with and have been requested to come hither to talk some more by the
Mendocino County Library. It seems I am in the running for branch manager in
Fort Bragg. An interesting thing.
Then there is my oldest. His first year of college is done
and over with. Good grades, a good experience, three or four more to go. Nate
got his ears pierced, caused havoc but that seems to have passed. Sophia had a
stellar time at her dance recital. Thomas is advancing in Tae Kwon Do and is
doing just fabulous in school. The Estranged one was diagnosed with cancer and
we are on the edge of our seats waiting to hear how we will be dealing with it.
I study that phrase of yours, “be brave like me”, almost
every day, and every day I find new applications for it. I thought at first
that it just applied to going back home, to being with the family, with
sacrificing love for the greater good. I attempted that years ago and it didn’t
work then, least ways not in the way that your approach to the task did. I was
brave, but took a different tack. I went head to head with love, with the
Estranged One, with the powers that be and was found wanting. I lost a house, a
job, a wife, time, but I somehow managed to keep my body and soul together and
find my way back to sane, to gainful employment, to a form of détente that has
allowed for me and TEO to find a way to talk, to live, to deal with the kids
together. And while it may not be love under the same roof we are a team, an
across town team, mind you, but two folks who respect and admire each other.
Somehow I found bravery in good deeds, in being present, in
allowing for grace and goodness to lead the dance. Instead of fighting I have
found that diplomacy rules. Instead of seeking my own way in the world I have
decided that just being here in good enough. Instead of finding a replacement
for you I found that I am good learning to live on my own, and in turn, finding
that being alone is not lonely, just another state of being.
For the first time
I am good with it and with that I have found that I am less prone to moodiness,
loneliness and bother. I like leaving the bother behind.
I wrote you today, not to worry you, to make you sad, to
turn you life upside down but to let you know that I am alive. I couldn’t say
anything more and frankly, I don’t want to know much more than that about you.
Let me know if you are well, kiddo, that’s all I want. That and for you and yours
to continue to have a good life.
Be good, have a great summer and may happiness color your world.
Your WHMB
