I'm not asking...

..for you to condone or condemn or contemplate my decision. I am not asking you to applaud or cheer or pray for me. I am not asking for you to tell me to stop, to go, to yield, to drop dead in my tracks, to sprint, to do the fifty yard dash to the finish line. I am not asking you to please me, tease me or release me. I am not asking you to make me do anything, to tell me move on, to have me somehow come to some understanding with you. I am not asking you to talk some sense into me, to turn away from me, to yell or scream or call the cops on me. I am not asking for you to be my friend, my enemy, my silent partner, my pal, my lover, my confident, my sidekick, my everything, my total and complete nothing.

No, I am not asking for a damn thing from you. All I am asking is that you just keep on doing what you are doing. That much I can bear. That much I can understand. That much I know. What you are doing is just fine. I allows for me to watch from afar. It allows for you to be my muse. It allows for me to be some sort of pathetic, overwrought, hard drinking, endlessly writing, love-shocked literary figure. It allows for me to write and write and write about you and never have to hear your complaints, wash your underware, clean your coffee cup, make your side of the bed, carry your weight or worry whether or not you care enough to continue.

By walking the path I am on I can read the papers and know that your children are successful, that your spouse is doing what he did before, which was running your children's sporting events. By standing on the sidelines of your life I can catch glimpses of you passing by, which is all I can do in the cheap seats. Here in the nosebleed section I catch whiffs of your life. I see your name everywhere, watch that silver Focus of yours buzz by, hear about you and know that, in that hearing and silent distant watching, that you are okay.

I have no idea how your heart is. I see things, pick up vibes, and that has to be enough.

So, don't ask for me to stop, to change my ways, to let go. Don't do a thing. You keep to your path and I will keep to mine. As lines go they just might converge later on. Maybe not. No matter.

Just don't ask me to stop loving you. There would be no sense in that. I've tried. You've asked me to, told me to stop. You've let me go. And still. When we meet. Our eyes, our words, all the unspoken things, give it all away.

You can't ask the world to stop turning.

Ask me to do anything and I'll consider it, but just know that in all that asking I'll just keep on loving you anyway. Anything else you ask me to do or not do is just there for me to contemplate.

Your WHMB