Tomorrow will be an interesting day, my dear. Tomorrow I get to face down all that has been before me these past couple months, the isolation, the anxiety, the uncertainty of my work, the possible crashing of my career, all that. Then again, tomorrow will be more than interesting if only because it will bring with it a sense of clarity, a modicum of peace and will finally clear away the rubbish that has been cluttering my path for so long. For the first time in weeks and weeks I will be able to say with some certainty what direction my life is heading in. Yeah, at least for the moment.
Tomorrow will be one of those seminal moments, one of those "ah ha!" times in my life that reduce the number of options of where I'm going or what I'm doing to one or three or half dozen, one that will allow me open up a few of those sealed boxes of life, ones washed ashore like Captain Nemo trunks. I will finally be allowed me to peek inside, to rummage about, to pull out and set up the gizmos that will help me determine the next point on the map that I'll be heading to. Tomorrow will be one of those days.
But, love, just know that tomorrow wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for that day back in the summer of '03. Was it July, was it August? I sure would like for you to tell me for that is really the point behind all this. That day is the day that tomorrow is truly all about. As a matter of fact the person who hired you, the one who sat next to me during the interview, is one of the people who will be in that room tomorrow to help me see and determine and understand my fate, my next move on the board, show me what direction my compass is pointing in. If it hadn't of been for her calling you in I wouldn't be in that room tomorrow. If it hadn't have been for her calling me to help her with the interviews that day my house might not be up for sale. If it wasn't for her sorting through and culling out applications and pulling your name out of the stack I might not be painting and hustling my way through projects the way that I've been trying to to get this house ready to sell. If she hadn't hired you, well, my life would be oh so very different than it is today.
Then again, I am forever thankful that she did call you in, interview you, hire you. If it wasn't for her I would have never met you. If not for her we would have never become friends. I would have missed the joys of birding, The Kingfishers meetings in Poulsbo and pileated woodpeckers on top of telephone poles. I would have never attended WALE or the Gala and would have ignored the The Time Traveler's Wife, least ways, until my other bookgroup tasked me with reading it. I would have missed the Lady with the Big Hat, kisses on the edge of winter at the top of the pass, swooning in the dahlia aisle and seeing seals in the Sound. If not for her I would not have gone throught all the pain and agony and angst and joy and sorrow and pleasures and sheer wonderment that I've endured and enjoyed because of you these last four years. If not for her I would not be heating coffee cups for friends or collecting cookbooks or I might never have discovered clafouti or made creme brulee. If not for her my family and I might not be apart, might be together in Boise right now, or, just knowing the trajectory of things, might be in the same predicament that we are already in. That relationship already has issues long before I met you, before I interviewed you, so I might already be here in this place, or if not here, at some other point along the road of life.
Tomorrow will be a big day, another one of the seminal days of this life. Is it possible to have more than one? I think of all the important ones...chosing to go in the Navy, marrying Z, choosing to buy that house in Santa Ana with The School Teacher, picking my profession, moving to the Northwest, finding the house in Port Orchard, quiting SPL, accepting the Paging Supervisor job, all that, and know that meeting you is now one of them. I look at all the things that have transpired over the last few years and know that everything points back to that moment, the moment you saw the job opening in the paper, the moment you decided to apply, the day you sent off that application, the day we received it, studied it and called you in for an interview. All those moments in your life, the ones that brought you to Port Orchard, all of them added up, all of them guided you there to that table in the meeting room of the branch library to sit before us, to tell us about your life, to answer silly questions about library issues, charm us, and, after all that, had your destiny cross up with mine, even if that destiny was, for me, in the end, to find a different path than the one that you are currently on.
I think of rocks colliding in space and think of us, how we were both on dissimilar but similar paths and how we collided with a spectacular crash. If you hadn't met the Detective, gone to school in Durango, been raised by good, proper parents, all that, would life be different for me than it is today? If I hadn't gone to Japan, fallen in love with Colorado, had kids, run away with the Estranged One to Grants Pass, would we have ever had anything to talk about? I think of tomorrow and know that it has to happen, that I have to be in that room, that I have to take my destiny with you one step further, and then go on to the next space on the playing board without you. The person who hired you and placed your life in the path of mine will be sitting across from me, trying to make sense of all these words, these words that were written to you, not to someone else. As if I could ever find these words in my heart for anyone else but you.
Tomorrow will be one of those seminal moments, one of those "ah ha!" times in my life that reduce the number of options of where I'm going or what I'm doing to one or three or half dozen, one that will allow me open up a few of those sealed boxes of life, ones washed ashore like Captain Nemo trunks. I will finally be allowed me to peek inside, to rummage about, to pull out and set up the gizmos that will help me determine the next point on the map that I'll be heading to. Tomorrow will be one of those days.
But, love, just know that tomorrow wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for that day back in the summer of '03. Was it July, was it August? I sure would like for you to tell me for that is really the point behind all this. That day is the day that tomorrow is truly all about. As a matter of fact the person who hired you, the one who sat next to me during the interview, is one of the people who will be in that room tomorrow to help me see and determine and understand my fate, my next move on the board, show me what direction my compass is pointing in. If it hadn't of been for her calling you in I wouldn't be in that room tomorrow. If it hadn't have been for her calling me to help her with the interviews that day my house might not be up for sale. If it wasn't for her sorting through and culling out applications and pulling your name out of the stack I might not be painting and hustling my way through projects the way that I've been trying to to get this house ready to sell. If she hadn't hired you, well, my life would be oh so very different than it is today.
Then again, I am forever thankful that she did call you in, interview you, hire you. If it wasn't for her I would have never met you. If not for her we would have never become friends. I would have missed the joys of birding, The Kingfishers meetings in Poulsbo and pileated woodpeckers on top of telephone poles. I would have never attended WALE or the Gala and would have ignored the The Time Traveler's Wife, least ways, until my other bookgroup tasked me with reading it. I would have missed the Lady with the Big Hat, kisses on the edge of winter at the top of the pass, swooning in the dahlia aisle and seeing seals in the Sound. If not for her I would not have gone throught all the pain and agony and angst and joy and sorrow and pleasures and sheer wonderment that I've endured and enjoyed because of you these last four years. If not for her I would not be heating coffee cups for friends or collecting cookbooks or I might never have discovered clafouti or made creme brulee. If not for her my family and I might not be apart, might be together in Boise right now, or, just knowing the trajectory of things, might be in the same predicament that we are already in. That relationship already has issues long before I met you, before I interviewed you, so I might already be here in this place, or if not here, at some other point along the road of life.
Tomorrow will be a big day, another one of the seminal days of this life. Is it possible to have more than one? I think of all the important ones...chosing to go in the Navy, marrying Z, choosing to buy that house in Santa Ana with The School Teacher, picking my profession, moving to the Northwest, finding the house in Port Orchard, quiting SPL, accepting the Paging Supervisor job, all that, and know that meeting you is now one of them. I look at all the things that have transpired over the last few years and know that everything points back to that moment, the moment you saw the job opening in the paper, the moment you decided to apply, the day you sent off that application, the day we received it, studied it and called you in for an interview. All those moments in your life, the ones that brought you to Port Orchard, all of them added up, all of them guided you there to that table in the meeting room of the branch library to sit before us, to tell us about your life, to answer silly questions about library issues, charm us, and, after all that, had your destiny cross up with mine, even if that destiny was, for me, in the end, to find a different path than the one that you are currently on.
I think of rocks colliding in space and think of us, how we were both on dissimilar but similar paths and how we collided with a spectacular crash. If you hadn't met the Detective, gone to school in Durango, been raised by good, proper parents, all that, would life be different for me than it is today? If I hadn't gone to Japan, fallen in love with Colorado, had kids, run away with the Estranged One to Grants Pass, would we have ever had anything to talk about? I think of tomorrow and know that it has to happen, that I have to be in that room, that I have to take my destiny with you one step further, and then go on to the next space on the playing board without you. The person who hired you and placed your life in the path of mine will be sitting across from me, trying to make sense of all these words, these words that were written to you, not to someone else. As if I could ever find these words in my heart for anyone else but you.
If I could I would tell her that that meeting is all her fault, but, then again, it's not really. It has nothing to do with her or you or me, it just was a moment in time, in my life, in yours, in ours , that was destined to happen. Not only for the sake of our children, but for us to truly understand the power of sacrifice, the joy of friendship and the enduring power of love.
Your WHMB
Your WHMB
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