I came in off of a road trip today, something that you might have suspected considering all. I came home to a warm house, left pretty much in the same condition that I left it. I have a good friend who is happy to come by and check on the cat, feed him tuna, all that. Makes going away a bit easier to do. I came home, too, to a heater that was running, a check in the mailbox, a ton of emails to sift through, a nice package on my stoop from Mi Novia and an observation that you rejected my "friend request" on Facebook. How could I expect otherwise?
So, the holidays were grand. The kids were happy to have me there. The Day went without a hitch. We ate well, presents were all the rage. We had a nice time with my Estranged One's parents. The only down side to the visit was that their housecat was hit and killed by a car on the 27th. Really took the happiness meter down to and through the floor. It was all I could do to help make that situation better. Oh, and did I mention that the fridge crapped out the same day? The upside to those things is that the in-laws are calling in a repairman for the fridge and that the new kitten who was installed in the house a few days before the cat tragedy is taking well to the family.
It's always something. At least it wasn't the car or the kids or something more serious than that.
I came home and found the house empty save the cat, but, hell, that's okay, but I thank god for that cat. Life is looking up. I may have a renter for the back house. I have applications out all over the place. I may start helping The Hot Dog King on the weekends. I have a ton of new movies to watch. My birthday is coming up and I hope to go to Seattle to see some fireworks. The very last thing in the whole wide world I expect to have happen is to hear from you. Should I push it? I doubt it. The last thing I want out of you is another one of those silly sad little waves you've managed to dole out to me. That last wave you gave me, shit. Every time I think of that wave it makes me sad. Sad in the way that that cat getting killed makes me sad.
I sat there on my Estranged One's couch on Monday, doing my best to spin that poor cat's death, trying to find some glimmer of goodness in the vacuum of his passing. I thought about his life, the way that he impacted the life of the family, the way he helped make that house a home, how he brightened up everyone's day whenever he came around. I looked at how that cat helped out my Estranged One, how he managed to find a place in her heart, how he got her to love again. I worked that cat's life like a Rubix Cube, tried to find the reasons why it had to be out there on the street the same moment as that car, why it had to be hit, why I let it out at the time I did, all that, and finally, after working that Cube about as much as I could stand it, I just had to let it go, had to let it be. Had to look at the time that cat had, look at the goodness it shared, look at the joy it gave just by being in our lives.
I looked at the cat and then looked at you and our relationship and realized I had to do the same thing, that I had to put a spin on it, work it over, try to find the goodness in all of it. I realized long ago that we weren't friends anymore, that a friend wouldn't treat a friend the way that you have treated me. I know that when you see me you are reminded of your "weakness", of all the Christian virtues that your husband, The Detective, found wanting in you. I know that you aren't allowed to talk to me, that to see me, hear my voice, have any form of contact with me as that contact would be a breach of the contract, of the trust, that you have made with The Detective and God. Pity.
You, like the cat, are gone. Like the cat, you came through my life, made it grand for awhile, shared your love and friendship and joy. Unlike the cat, though, you are still out there, having a life and keeping is separate from mine. Oh well. Have a good life. I am glad that you weren't run over like Louis, but Jane, damn it, woman, it might have made things a bit easier if you had.
Hope your Christmas was a good one. Your WHMB
So, the holidays were grand. The kids were happy to have me there. The Day went without a hitch. We ate well, presents were all the rage. We had a nice time with my Estranged One's parents. The only down side to the visit was that their housecat was hit and killed by a car on the 27th. Really took the happiness meter down to and through the floor. It was all I could do to help make that situation better. Oh, and did I mention that the fridge crapped out the same day? The upside to those things is that the in-laws are calling in a repairman for the fridge and that the new kitten who was installed in the house a few days before the cat tragedy is taking well to the family.
It's always something. At least it wasn't the car or the kids or something more serious than that.
I came home and found the house empty save the cat, but, hell, that's okay, but I thank god for that cat. Life is looking up. I may have a renter for the back house. I have applications out all over the place. I may start helping The Hot Dog King on the weekends. I have a ton of new movies to watch. My birthday is coming up and I hope to go to Seattle to see some fireworks. The very last thing in the whole wide world I expect to have happen is to hear from you. Should I push it? I doubt it. The last thing I want out of you is another one of those silly sad little waves you've managed to dole out to me. That last wave you gave me, shit. Every time I think of that wave it makes me sad. Sad in the way that that cat getting killed makes me sad.
I sat there on my Estranged One's couch on Monday, doing my best to spin that poor cat's death, trying to find some glimmer of goodness in the vacuum of his passing. I thought about his life, the way that he impacted the life of the family, the way he helped make that house a home, how he brightened up everyone's day whenever he came around. I looked at how that cat helped out my Estranged One, how he managed to find a place in her heart, how he got her to love again. I worked that cat's life like a Rubix Cube, tried to find the reasons why it had to be out there on the street the same moment as that car, why it had to be hit, why I let it out at the time I did, all that, and finally, after working that Cube about as much as I could stand it, I just had to let it go, had to let it be. Had to look at the time that cat had, look at the goodness it shared, look at the joy it gave just by being in our lives.
I looked at the cat and then looked at you and our relationship and realized I had to do the same thing, that I had to put a spin on it, work it over, try to find the goodness in all of it. I realized long ago that we weren't friends anymore, that a friend wouldn't treat a friend the way that you have treated me. I know that when you see me you are reminded of your "weakness", of all the Christian virtues that your husband, The Detective, found wanting in you. I know that you aren't allowed to talk to me, that to see me, hear my voice, have any form of contact with me as that contact would be a breach of the contract, of the trust, that you have made with The Detective and God. Pity.
You, like the cat, are gone. Like the cat, you came through my life, made it grand for awhile, shared your love and friendship and joy. Unlike the cat, though, you are still out there, having a life and keeping is separate from mine. Oh well. Have a good life. I am glad that you weren't run over like Louis, but Jane, damn it, woman, it might have made things a bit easier if you had.
Hope your Christmas was a good one. Your WHMB
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