What to add here, my dear? What hasn't been talked about in this place? What needs to be added to before I let this space rest for awhile? How about a list of one hundred items to mark this one hundreth post and the four year anniversary of the beginning of our email life?
1 We missed the beat to our claim to fame: Besitos Brand Tortilla Chips: that famed "Kissadillas" product we dreamed of manufacturing and that long term visit to Puerto Vallarta we talked about for "research purposes". Does that count as three?
2 Then there was that time you helped me with my flat tire..do you remember how we "legitimately" made time happen for us that day?
1 We missed the beat to our claim to fame: Besitos Brand Tortilla Chips: that famed "Kissadillas" product we dreamed of manufacturing and that long term visit to Puerto Vallarta we talked about for "research purposes". Does that count as three?
2 Then there was that time you helped me with my flat tire..do you remember how we "legitimately" made time happen for us that day?
3 It seemed like all the nutcrackers in the world descended on Seattle on the day we took our SPL tour. They are in at least six photographs with us
4 The black espresso maker we played around with is still sitting on top of the cupboard in my kitchen even if it's not used much anymore. These days I prefer my press pot over everything else
5 I saw a flicker on the way to work today and thought of you. It wasn't on my roof like the one you saw the day you came to visit but this one was happily picking bugs out of a crack in the sidewalk, instead
6 You still are one of the best Acey Ducey and Yahtzee opponents I've ever been up against. Parlor games haven't been the same since
7 If I remember correctly we both love to use Joy dishwashing detergent. It has something to do with that lemon scent. There's that "nose" thing again!
8 I could never get you to see the value of drinking green tea but you certainly made me see the virtues of drinking coffee again, and now I do it every day!
9 I wish had kissed you that evening you found me walking along PO Blvd. It was the night after Halloween. Your youngest was in the backseat of your car when I reached over to give you a smooch..it was only at the last second that I saw her and dodged that kiss. Might have changed everything, you know?
10 BTW, what kind of pizza did the three of us share that evening in Costco?
11 I've only heard that Rascal Flatt's song Love You Out Loud just once. I played it one Saturday morning at the branch right before opening. Totally colored my day. The cd was on hold for a patron. One pass with that song was all it took
12 I salvaged about twelve of your letters out of my email inbox. All the other letters we wrote to each other, hundreds of them, all from our Yahoo days, went away. Almost a years worth of writing, what a drag. Just know that that handful of letters of yours are some of my most precious possessions
13 The Hawaiian print shirt that played such a starring role in our post WALE road trip photographs is now in the bag
14 June 18th, if I remember correctly, is Raspberry Pop Day. Don't forget to hit up your local supermarket freezer case to get a box of them and then, when the time is right, be sure to look up into the sky for a full moon. Speaking spanish to strangers is optional
15 Oh, to have been a bird in your birdhouse the day The Detective found that mango on your front lawn!
16 Just know it was me who threw those dahlias on your lawn in the middle of the night late last fall
17 I'm sorry for putting out that last sign, but I am still jealous of your time
18 It's impossible for me to make that turn onto 116 and not look over my shoulder thinking that I might catch you turning off of the highway heading for home, too
19 The official Stations of the Cross include the Starbucks on Tremont, the Walmart on Bethel, the Freddies parking lot, the Albertsons on Pottery and that stretch of road up past the elementary school. I only threw in the Woods recently because the road finally went through
20 We didn't do an awful lot of things that we talked about doing, you know? They weren't promises, but they were plans of a sort, and there can't anything worse than not being able to follow up on plans with a friend
21 In the end I like to think you would have liked that sweet potato casserole of mine, if only due to the toasted marshmallows on top
22 I absolutely love dahlias these days and I owe it all to you, my dear
23 Whenever I look at those toy soldiers lined up on the kitchen window sill I think of that clock up on your fireplace mantle and wonder what the fate was for those soldiers that lurked within
24 Can you believe that they stopped printing those nifty phrases on the inside of the Dove chocolate wrappers?
25 Speaking of Dove chocolate, have you eaten a Dove bar since that has tasted as wonderful as the ones we used to share topside?
26 To hell with five mintues, I want to spend the rest of my life with you on that leather couch!
27 We never got around to reading the Liars Club, Lord of the Rings or The Maltese Falcon
28 Somehow I think we're going to miss watching The Time Traveler's Wife when it comes out this summer
29 I've continued to shop at Freddies over the last few years not because I've wanted to or needed to but for the simple reason that I might see you there
30 Whenever I sit on that bench out by the waterfront I still see you eating Nila's lumpias, least ways, the ones that Nila taught you to make that day
31 That series of phone calls that the kids and I left for you on your cell phone on the way back from the Dungeness Spit was one of the finest moments in my life
32 Starbucks cups are now branded with the image of your lipstick stain on them for the rest of my life. Oh, and that store up on Wheaton? It's a now one of the Stations of the Cross, Bremerton version
33 I still have not been able to find that bird ornament that you gave me four Christmas' ago
34 I can sit at the reference desk and still see your face peeking over the top of the circulation counter partition
35 We have yet to see Paris on New Year's day, New York in the springtime or Oaxaca in the fall
36 How can I ever hope to not think of you come the holidays? Your birthday is buried right there in the middle of them all
37 I think we could have been good dog handlers together
38 We never baked a cake together, but whenever I bake a cake these days know that I bake them for you
39 I'm happy for the walks we shared, but I'm especially happy for the one that got captured on my cell phone
40 We ate in at least five different Mexican restaurants, four nice eateries, three different parks, in at least two different coffee shops and at one really nice side of the road spot on the way to Wenatchee. I think, though that that number of eateries is waay off
41 Do you still shop Orowheat for day old bread?
42 Writing I do everyday. I have you to thank for that
43 Walking, well, I don't do everyday, but learned to love it again because of Sophia and you
44 When we first met I was starstruck. I'll never forget that day. "Melissa Jane" Wow, who would have thought? That room where we met is now a sacred place. It's where I show my movies every month. Movies in a sachristy, can you believe it?
45 I wish I had spent more time with you in that loveseat of yours
46 Here's to that time when I sent you home with a whisker burn on your face. I'm happy I started to grow my goatee again, if only for the sake of your face
47 As much as I miss seeing your taillights going down my drive I'm happy not to see you go away anymore, either. That was always a sad moment and left me pacing for hours
48 I see old colleagues at conference every year and just know when I run into WALE folks I immediately think of you
49 Nick met you, my little girl said hello to you, my buddies know of you and work pals wonder how you are. Everyone in my life that matters either knows you or knows about our story
50 My first tattoo will be "Lack imagination and miss the better story", the next will be a series of W's and M's above my knee
51 I use the words "we were lovers in the old fashioned sense" alot to describe us
52 The "Pillars of Light" are all that remain of those contemplative evenings you left me with
53 Those "kick off" shoes of yours were the best, but baby, what a sock collection you had!
54 I miss the freckles on your shoulders, but more I miss how they matched up with mine
55 We never had enough times. Clocks, yes, words, yes, but time, never enough
56 I'm glad that they've stopped doing All Staff the old way. It only made me miss you more
57 United Way, Gala, WALE, all of it, you were my sidekick and my muse
58 I know that My Little Buddy is past picture books now, but that period where I able to pull books for her was a very nice thing to do all around. I'll always remember that cup of coffee you got for me that last normal hot July day we shared at the branch and that moment where we shared that last picture book in your car before your mail box exploded the following day
59 You never had a private email box before I set yours up. Here's to the long defunct lovelandtokrl63@yahoo.com
60 You waited and waited and waited until almost forever some nights to get to that email box. I can't imagine you ever doing that again
61 On Sundays I pop corn and think of you snacking on yours
62 You changed the way I feel about photographs, about family. I have my kid's photos up in the tv room these days. My children have always been important to me, sometimes more important than life itself. You and my kids have shown me that life is an intricate dance that you do with both your partner and your children, one that we can all do together if we try hard enough. You stuck with you and yours and for that I will always love you
63 I can't imagine your last name being de los Santos so that takes care of that
64 You and I still have a date with destiny, even if that date is just a cup of coffee at a local Starbucks
65 With you I learned to read in between the lines, to look in between your words, to see behind your eyes whenever I saw you, listened to you, read your words. You gave yourself away the last time I saw you. You looked down when you waved while I passed you by on the road. You never stopped talking on the phone. That last poster, that one about being jealous of your time, wounded our relationship. As you told me long ago I stopped playing by the rules when I continued active engagement. I'll stop now. I would rather leave things to chance from here on out. I saw your hurt in your eyes and that was censure enough for me
66 We never had a weekend at the beach, but we sat on the steps of the waterfront park and got sand inbetween our toes
67 I may have a chance to speak at this year's WALE conference in Wenatchee. Know if I go there will not be a snowflake's chance in hell that I'll take the same route. Some things can never be duplicated
68 Know that if I should meet you in some faraway time and place that I will have lived a thousand years between now and then. The Wally that you'll meet then will have the essence of the Wally that you knew way back when but he will be a new man. I am a work in progress. I expect that you are, too
69 Making love is something we never got around to doing, but we were lovers in the old fashioned sense. We never could and that was all due to respect. Never stopped respecting you, M
70 I still think of you whenever I hear Herb Alpert, David Bowie, Los Lobos, Seal or Norah Jones. And I hear Seal and Norah Jones all the time when I go shopping
71 Summer speaks to me in ways that touch the bottom of my soul because whenever summer comes around it speaks with your voice. Melissa, you are flower gardens in bloom, you are Oregon Maple trees throwing shade on weary bodies, you are hot salmon on a grill, you are ripe plums in a bag, you are the Persides Meteor shower overhead, you are noisy county fairs and soon to be ripe pears and barking seals in the sound
72 We tried. No, scratch that, we DID
73 We knew from our talks that we would never be able to have children together but if had to have children with anyone else it would be with you. But I would be happy just sharing grandchildren with you
74 If we should run into each other out in town someday please be kind to me. My heart is still yours and is fragile from carrying around all these unspoken words for you
75 Chocolate is still one of my favorite foods, and while I don't think that butter is one of the major food groups like you do I still eat a bit of both of them every day
76 Firecrackers are something you need more exposure to
77 We need to spend more time walking on sandy surfaces, you and me
78 I was never able to see what you looked like first thing in the morning. I guess the same thing applies to you. Maybe that is a good thing all in itself
79 When you taste ripe pears what do you think of?
80 I take the ferry every once in awhile to Seattle, but whenever I do I think of that bench seat we shared on that cold December night and think of all the plans we skirted around and never lived
81 Avocados and peaches were things we had in abundance in our previous lives. We shared an abundance of books and words and laughter in ours. What do you have in abundance now, my love?
82 I still have those damned ironing cover suspenders attached to my ironing board cover. New cover though. The one you gave me wore out
83 I would still buy new sheets for us all over again
84 Know that my coffee will always be hot enough for you, that I'll never verify that temp with a thermometer and that I still warm my cup the way that you taught me
85 You should have never run from that woman that you thought saw you from that window in Tullys that day we went to Tacoma. So what if she had talked? Our world was going to change anyway. That panic attack wasted a perfectly wonderful day
86 I still have that pewter fob of yours but have put it away for now. Some things you just don't want to lose
87 Know that you will find a Sunset subscription in your mailbox this fall
88 Are you still five foot eleven?
89 I can still step out of my shower and see you standing there in the doorway of my bathroom. The only thing that stood between us and full out passion that day was one 100 percent cotton towel
90 I haven't been back to sit in on a Kingfisher Audubon meeting in ages, have you?
91 I bird these days infrequently but when I do it's all because of you
92 There are still color swatches around the house where we set them down three years ago
93 Can you still recite the Three Billy Goats Gruff?
94 Has he ever popped a sun warmed berry in your mouth that has ever tasted as good as the one that I shared with you that long ago day?
95 And how is my little pal doing? Is she enjoying school? I can't imagine her still being into cowboys anymore. What is happening in her life these days?
96 "Where are you going?"
97 When I wake up in the morning there you are
98 The negatives are safe
99 That satchel is filled with pure gold
100 Know that when I walked home today and looked up at my house I knew that I was there because of how I felt about you. I know that you wanted my life to turn out differently but you must understand one thing: I told you that I loved you way back when and I meant it then and I mean it now. What the cost of that love will end up being I'll find out later on. For now it's a refinance, a signature on a series of documents. For now it's a wait for other legalities to finish up. For now it's all about growing and understanding and moving forward.
One hundred things, Jane. I miss you, but more than that I still love you. Some things never change. Be good and take care, mi corazon.
Yours, WHMB
36 How can I ever hope to not think of you come the holidays? Your birthday is buried right there in the middle of them all
37 I think we could have been good dog handlers together
38 We never baked a cake together, but whenever I bake a cake these days know that I bake them for you
39 I'm happy for the walks we shared, but I'm especially happy for the one that got captured on my cell phone
40 We ate in at least five different Mexican restaurants, four nice eateries, three different parks, in at least two different coffee shops and at one really nice side of the road spot on the way to Wenatchee. I think, though that that number of eateries is waay off
41 Do you still shop Orowheat for day old bread?
42 Writing I do everyday. I have you to thank for that
43 Walking, well, I don't do everyday, but learned to love it again because of Sophia and you
44 When we first met I was starstruck. I'll never forget that day. "Melissa Jane" Wow, who would have thought? That room where we met is now a sacred place. It's where I show my movies every month. Movies in a sachristy, can you believe it?
45 I wish I had spent more time with you in that loveseat of yours
46 Here's to that time when I sent you home with a whisker burn on your face. I'm happy I started to grow my goatee again, if only for the sake of your face
47 As much as I miss seeing your taillights going down my drive I'm happy not to see you go away anymore, either. That was always a sad moment and left me pacing for hours
48 I see old colleagues at conference every year and just know when I run into WALE folks I immediately think of you
49 Nick met you, my little girl said hello to you, my buddies know of you and work pals wonder how you are. Everyone in my life that matters either knows you or knows about our story
50 My first tattoo will be "Lack imagination and miss the better story", the next will be a series of W's and M's above my knee
51 I use the words "we were lovers in the old fashioned sense" alot to describe us
52 The "Pillars of Light" are all that remain of those contemplative evenings you left me with
53 Those "kick off" shoes of yours were the best, but baby, what a sock collection you had!
54 I miss the freckles on your shoulders, but more I miss how they matched up with mine
55 We never had enough times. Clocks, yes, words, yes, but time, never enough
56 I'm glad that they've stopped doing All Staff the old way. It only made me miss you more
57 United Way, Gala, WALE, all of it, you were my sidekick and my muse
58 I know that My Little Buddy is past picture books now, but that period where I able to pull books for her was a very nice thing to do all around. I'll always remember that cup of coffee you got for me that last normal hot July day we shared at the branch and that moment where we shared that last picture book in your car before your mail box exploded the following day
59 You never had a private email box before I set yours up. Here's to the long defunct lovelandtokrl63@yahoo.com
60 You waited and waited and waited until almost forever some nights to get to that email box. I can't imagine you ever doing that again
61 On Sundays I pop corn and think of you snacking on yours
62 You changed the way I feel about photographs, about family. I have my kid's photos up in the tv room these days. My children have always been important to me, sometimes more important than life itself. You and my kids have shown me that life is an intricate dance that you do with both your partner and your children, one that we can all do together if we try hard enough. You stuck with you and yours and for that I will always love you
63 I can't imagine your last name being de los Santos so that takes care of that
64 You and I still have a date with destiny, even if that date is just a cup of coffee at a local Starbucks
65 With you I learned to read in between the lines, to look in between your words, to see behind your eyes whenever I saw you, listened to you, read your words. You gave yourself away the last time I saw you. You looked down when you waved while I passed you by on the road. You never stopped talking on the phone. That last poster, that one about being jealous of your time, wounded our relationship. As you told me long ago I stopped playing by the rules when I continued active engagement. I'll stop now. I would rather leave things to chance from here on out. I saw your hurt in your eyes and that was censure enough for me
66 We never had a weekend at the beach, but we sat on the steps of the waterfront park and got sand inbetween our toes
67 I may have a chance to speak at this year's WALE conference in Wenatchee. Know if I go there will not be a snowflake's chance in hell that I'll take the same route. Some things can never be duplicated
68 Know that if I should meet you in some faraway time and place that I will have lived a thousand years between now and then. The Wally that you'll meet then will have the essence of the Wally that you knew way back when but he will be a new man. I am a work in progress. I expect that you are, too
69 Making love is something we never got around to doing, but we were lovers in the old fashioned sense. We never could and that was all due to respect. Never stopped respecting you, M
70 I still think of you whenever I hear Herb Alpert, David Bowie, Los Lobos, Seal or Norah Jones. And I hear Seal and Norah Jones all the time when I go shopping
71 Summer speaks to me in ways that touch the bottom of my soul because whenever summer comes around it speaks with your voice. Melissa, you are flower gardens in bloom, you are Oregon Maple trees throwing shade on weary bodies, you are hot salmon on a grill, you are ripe plums in a bag, you are the Persides Meteor shower overhead, you are noisy county fairs and soon to be ripe pears and barking seals in the sound
72 We tried. No, scratch that, we DID
73 We knew from our talks that we would never be able to have children together but if had to have children with anyone else it would be with you. But I would be happy just sharing grandchildren with you
74 If we should run into each other out in town someday please be kind to me. My heart is still yours and is fragile from carrying around all these unspoken words for you
75 Chocolate is still one of my favorite foods, and while I don't think that butter is one of the major food groups like you do I still eat a bit of both of them every day
76 Firecrackers are something you need more exposure to
77 We need to spend more time walking on sandy surfaces, you and me
78 I was never able to see what you looked like first thing in the morning. I guess the same thing applies to you. Maybe that is a good thing all in itself
79 When you taste ripe pears what do you think of?
80 I take the ferry every once in awhile to Seattle, but whenever I do I think of that bench seat we shared on that cold December night and think of all the plans we skirted around and never lived
81 Avocados and peaches were things we had in abundance in our previous lives. We shared an abundance of books and words and laughter in ours. What do you have in abundance now, my love?
82 I still have those damned ironing cover suspenders attached to my ironing board cover. New cover though. The one you gave me wore out
83 I would still buy new sheets for us all over again
84 Know that my coffee will always be hot enough for you, that I'll never verify that temp with a thermometer and that I still warm my cup the way that you taught me
85 You should have never run from that woman that you thought saw you from that window in Tullys that day we went to Tacoma. So what if she had talked? Our world was going to change anyway. That panic attack wasted a perfectly wonderful day
86 I still have that pewter fob of yours but have put it away for now. Some things you just don't want to lose
87 Know that you will find a Sunset subscription in your mailbox this fall
88 Are you still five foot eleven?
89 I can still step out of my shower and see you standing there in the doorway of my bathroom. The only thing that stood between us and full out passion that day was one 100 percent cotton towel
90 I haven't been back to sit in on a Kingfisher Audubon meeting in ages, have you?
91 I bird these days infrequently but when I do it's all because of you
92 There are still color swatches around the house where we set them down three years ago
93 Can you still recite the Three Billy Goats Gruff?
94 Has he ever popped a sun warmed berry in your mouth that has ever tasted as good as the one that I shared with you that long ago day?
95 And how is my little pal doing? Is she enjoying school? I can't imagine her still being into cowboys anymore. What is happening in her life these days?
96 "Where are you going?"
97 When I wake up in the morning there you are
98 The negatives are safe
99 That satchel is filled with pure gold
100 Know that when I walked home today and looked up at my house I knew that I was there because of how I felt about you. I know that you wanted my life to turn out differently but you must understand one thing: I told you that I loved you way back when and I meant it then and I mean it now. What the cost of that love will end up being I'll find out later on. For now it's a refinance, a signature on a series of documents. For now it's a wait for other legalities to finish up. For now it's all about growing and understanding and moving forward.
One hundred things, Jane. I miss you, but more than that I still love you. Some things never change. Be good and take care, mi corazon.
Yours, WHMB
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